Existential crisis

When I could no longer work due to my deteriorating eyesight and hearing, I felt lost. I had lost my purpose, my identity, my passion and my self worth. So much of my world was tied up in what I did for a living. There was never really a time in my life that I didn’t want to be an Interior Designer. (I wrote a short blip about that here)

“It’s not uncommon to search for meaning and purpose in your life. With an existential crisis however, the problem lies in being unable to find satisfying answers. For some people, the lack of answers triggers a personal conflict from within, causing frustration and loss of inner joy.”

source: Healthline.com

In the beginning of my “retirement” it was a real struggle to find my identity.

Since I was at home I thought society expected me to be a “good housewife”(actually I thought Stepford wife, but I digress) I struggled with this because I was a fast paced, city gal working in one of the top design firms in Canada. I “made” homes I didn’t “keep” them.

So I made a list of things I thought I should do.

  • Cook more. I really do not like cooking. NEXT!
  • Learn to knit. Meh, it was ok. I Still do knit from time to time.
  • Learn to bake. I gained a LOT of weight. Turns out I like to lick the spoon….and then the bowl…
  • Have kids? Ha, that thought lasted in my head for about 3 seconds. I am not a kid person.
  • Watch soap operas and morning talk shows. God, I wanted to shoot myself. Could I BE any more cliche?

So, here I was 15 pounds heavier, very unhappy and in a depression. That’s when I discovered Kick-boxing. What better way to let out my frustrations than punching and kicking shit right? Kick-boxing led to CrossFit, which opened up my world to extreme sports like Obstacle Course racing, Military inspired events and Endurance events (think 14 hours being yelled at by a tough Navy SEAL)

Now, not only was I healthier and happier but I was out socializing and gaining confidence! I met so many amazing people that I now call close friends and they opened up new things to me. It seems I finally found my new identity.

“I am not defined by any one thing.”

Pamela aka The Blind Thistle

I am now a photographer, blogger, yogi, runner, Mountain biker, Snowboarder AND on occasion a homebody. I am not defined by any one thing!

I am happy.

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